Let’s self-sabotage shall we?

I had ideas!

I had many ideas since last Saturday!

Seems like the new moon at the weekend made me very creative!

I even had set up google drive to be able to reach my file to jot down ideas everywhere I go!

But I did not!

And now they are gone! They are gone and my muse as well!

Besides that I had decided to take part in the Writers & Artists Yearbook Short Story Competition!

I was so confident after “winning” #NaNoWriMo last year I would be capable of defeating my inner critic and just get on with it.

“I thought that #NaNoWriMo last forever ~ I was wrong” to play with one of my favourite poems “Funeral Blues” by W.H.Auden.

Well let’s not be so critical with myself. I have finished the first draft and am sure I can manage the editing today. I did not have an awful lot of time as I only saw the competition last week but at least I managed the first draft. Have decided to set my goal to “Taking part” no matter what will come from it. Something tells me that I should take part in as many competitions as possible this year just to train myself to get over this fear of taking part. That seems to be a good belated new years resolution! ūüôā

English: Photo of W. H. Auden, 1970, taken by me.

English: Photo of W. H. Auden, 1970, taken by me. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I need a little magic…

… no it is not that my life is so boring and I need to spice it up. It is just that I have been writing about “The Snow Child” by Eowyn¬†Ivy on Tuesday and my #NaNoWriMo novel came back into my mind.

I really liked the style Ivy is writing in. Well I do not want to copy it but that mix between magic and logic explanations really made me enjoy the book. I think that is that little bit that is missing in my first draft.

Seems to be good to just let a draft rest for a while. Somehow it is still working inside of my even though I have not read or touched it since the 31st of November. But it is there and I want to do something with it.

Right now I just am back into my blogging which takes quite a bit of time. But what has worked for #NaNoWriMo should work for the rest of the year as well. Just pre~wrote posts and then use the time for working on the novel.

Uh I am getting excited now :-).

I’ll keep you updated!

100_2249

Attention: #amwriting bi-lingual/Achtung zweisprachig

(Attention some links are in German)

Tuesdays will be bi-lingual day in the future. My mother tongue is German but I love to write (and read for that) in English the heavens only know why. I used to sit in front of our old record player and listened to the Beatles and sang with them without knowing what I was singing. Therefore I blame it on them ;-).

My bi-lingual blog is phoenixrisesagain (just in case you want to read some old posts of mine) which ranges from philosophy to utopy to books and writing and….. you¬† name it.

I write the English part first and then after the picture comes the German translation. Today conveniently it will be about November, #frapalymo and #NaNoWriMo :-).

November is usually a very dreary month and a preferred one for my depression to flare up. This year though surprisingly it just popped its clogs it seems. At the beginning of October I read about #NaNoWriMo and in a mad instant decision decided to take part. Little I knew what I brought myself into but at least I prepared my blogs with pre-writing my entries. As family festivities stopped me from starting at the 1. of November I started a the 3. and I had little hope I would manage the thing. But I did. My story and characters went into total different directions as planned but I hope that means they have a life of their own and are at least a bit readable ;-). This project has taught me so much I am still full of it: I know now I can work to a deadline; it is fine to let the story go its own ways; am looking forward to edit the thing and most of all learn to edit; it is possible to write 5000 words a day; you can always catch up somehow and writing really is it!  It occupied my days and my nights ~ no time for being depressed and that I am extremely thankful for. I think I need to let the office of letters and light know :-)!

Most of you English speaking readers do not know what the #frapalymo is. You might have read in my poetry blog about it though in May when I first heard about it (of course) on Twitter. #frapalymo is @FrauPaulchen’s lyrik (German word for poetry)¬†month which means 30 poems in 30 days in the style of #NaNoWriMo just with poetry. Sophie Paulchen gives a prompt every day for writing a poem and if you take part, you let her know by blogging your poem or writing it on her comment box under the prompt and she tweets about it.¬†She has brilliant ideas taken from tweets, poems, poets, pictures and other interesting things that cross her path.

It was quite a challenge to do both and I have to admit I forgot all about #frapalymo for about a week. But it was fun. A writing frenzy without guilt, inner critique or boundaries. Just writing to the full. I advice everyone to so next year :-).

For now I feel like I am on cold turkey because I have no word count to fulfil, no prompt to follow and I have to get back into blogging and finding new projects. Well, as if that is a problem for me ;-): There is still that poetry book I want to self-publish, a first draft of a novel to edit (I won’t start that before January though (only if we are still alive then of course the 21. 12 is calling ūüėČ )), an ABC of poetry forms to #MondayPrompt and loads of tweeting and instagramming to do.

You see I won’t get bored ~ really do not worry :-)!

Fakenham Church

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dienstage werden in Zukunft zweisprachig sein. Meine Muttersprache ist Deutsch aber ich schreibe und lese lieber in Englisch und der Himmel alleine weiss, warum! Als Kind sass ich immer vor dem Plattenspieler und habe mir die Beatles angehoert und mitgesungen ohne zu wissen, worum es da ging. Ich gebe ihnen deshalb die Schuld ;-).

Mein zweisprachiger Blog ist phoenixrisesagain (einfach nur falls Du ein paar alte Eintraege lesen willst), der von Philosophie zu Utopie zu Buechern und Schreiben rangiert.

Ich schreibe den englischen Teil zuerst und nach dem Bild kommt dann immer die deutsche Uebersetzung. Heute geht es ganz passenderweise um November, #frapalymo und #NaNoWriMo :-).

November ist gewoehnlich ein duesterer Monat und ein bevorzugter fuer meine Depression, sich aufzuspielen. Dieses Jahr allerdings, scheint sie einfach ins Gras gebissen zu haben. Anfang Oktober habe ich zum ersten Mal ueber den #NaNoWriMo gelesen und mich in einer verrueckten instant Entscheidung angemeldet. Da wusste ich zum Glueck noch nicht, worauf ich mich da eingelassen habe. Da Familienfestivitaeten mich abegehalten hatten, am 1. November zu beginnen, startete ich am 3. und habe nicht daran geglaubt, dass ich es schaffen koennte. Aber ich habe es geschafft. Meine Geschichte und meine Charaktere sind total andere Wege gegangen, als ich es geplant hatte aber ich hoffe, das bedeutet, dass das Ganze wenigstens ein bisschen leserlich ist  ;-). Dieses Projekt hat mich eine Menge gelehrt und ich bin immer noch ganz davon eingenommen: Ich kann auf einen Abgabe Termin hin arbeiten; es ist ok die Geschichte, eigene Wege gehen zu lassen; ich freue mich darauf, sie zu ueberarbeiten; es ist moeglich, 5000 Worte an einem Tag zu schreiben; man kann immer aufholen und schreiben macht riesig Spass! Das Projekt hat meine Tage und Naechte beansprucht und so war keine Zeit, depressiv zu werden und dafuer bin ich enorm dankbar. ich denke, ich muss das das office of letters and light (Organisatoren des #NaNoWriMo) wissen lassen :-)!

Die meisten englischsprachigen¬†Leser und viele der deutschsprachigen werden nicht wissen, was der¬†#frapalymo ist. Vielleicht hast Du darueber in meinem Gedicht Blog gelesen, als ich davon zum ersten¬†mal im Mai¬†(natuerlich auf Twitter) gehoert habe.¬† #frapalymo ist @FrauPaulchen’s Lyrik¬† Monat: 30 Gedichte in 30 Tagen in Anlehnung an den #NaNoWriMo nur mit Gedichten und Impulsen von Sophie Paulchen. Sie gibt jeden Tag einen Impuls und wenn Du teilnehmen willst bloggst Du Deine Gedichte und verlinkst mit ihrem Blog oder Du hinterlaesst Dein Gedicht in den Kommentaren¬†auf Ihrem Blog und sie tweeted darueber. Sie hat geniale Ideen, die sie von Tweets, Gedichten, Dichtern, Bildern und anderen Dingen, die Ihr ueber den Weg laufen, nimmt.

Es war eine ziemliche Herausforderung, beides zu versuchen und ich muss zugeben fuer eine Woche habe ich den #frapalymo total vergessen. ABer es hat Spass gemacht. Eine Schreibekstase ohne Schuldgefuehle, innerem Kritiker, und ohne Grenzen. Einfach nur Schreiben. Ich empfehle es jedem, das naechstes Jahr mal zu probieren :-).

Jetzt habe ich allerdings Entzugserscheinungen, weil ich keine bestimmte Anzahl an Worten schreiben und keinem Impuls folgen aber dafuer einen Weg zurueck ins Bloggen und neue Projekte finden muss. Als ob das ein Problem fuer mich waere ;-): Da gibt es immer noch einen Gedicht Band selber zu veroeffentlichen, einen ersten Entwurf fuer einen Roman zu ueberarbeiten (was ich nicht vor Januar tun werde (falls es uns da noch gibt (der¬† 21. 12¬†ruft ūüėČ )), am ABC der Gedichtformen fuer die ¬†#MondayPrompts zu arbeiten und¬†dann muss ich ja auch noch viel zwitschern und instagrammen.

Du siehst also, mir wird nicht langweilig werden ~ ehrlich Du musst Dir keine Sorgen machen :-)!

 

 

Veni, Vidi, Vici ~ #NaNoWriMo #amwriting is finished

English: Rainbows, over Malmesjaur in Moskosel...

English: Rainbows, over Malmesjaur¬†in Moskosel, Lappland¬†Sweden july¬†14 2009, 7:15 PM Svenska: Regnb√•ger, sedd¬†fr√•n¬†Malmesjaurdammen¬†i¬†Moskosel, Lappland¬†kl 19:15 14 juli¬†2009 Deutsch: Regenbogen, √ľber Malmesjaur¬†in Moskosel, Lappland 14.Juli 2009 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I can not believe it!

I have really done it!

As you can see at the side on my #NaNoWriMo badge I am now officially a winner and I finished with 50537 words. ( The google drive word count had said 50522 but never mind ;-).)

What an experience!

It was a total up and down. There were days when I could not manage more than 500 words and then others when I worked up to 4000 and yesterday even over 5000. Never thought I could write that much.

This achievement makes me enormously proud as it has taught me an awful lot:

~ writing needs buddies who cheer you on (Thanks Cheryl ūüôā )
~ you can always catch up when you are determined
~ I can finish to a deadline
~ a first draft is a first draft and not a finished novel
~ writing is the hardest work I have ever done but definitely the most satisfying!!!!!
~ I love what I am doing!

It feels already a bit like I am on cold turkey lol but I will survive (lalalalalaaaaa….. ūüėČ )

What comes next?

This first draft will rest until 2013 and then I will do my trainee editing. I have never edited a novel so I will read up and then just get on with it and learn on the go. Am thinking about self~publishing but I think I might put it on a blog first and then see what reactions will come. Hopefully honest ones that bring me on. I am proud of my baby but I also know that it is a bit kitsch. So maybe you dear readers out there might help me along?????

I will also compress my blog writing. But you will see how that will go ~ surprise surprise ūüėČ

You out there take care! To you #NaNoWriMo winners: congrats! To you still writing: You can do it! To you who struggle to reach the 5000: it’s the taking part that matters!

I will allow myself a well deserved pause with hopefully loads of reading and will be back on Monday! Can’t wait to hear from you guys!

Back to work with #NaNoWriMo (#amwriting)

English: My own work. Created using "Inks...

English: My own work. Created using “Inkscape” software right from the scratch. Intented for counting the words (like edit count) of user contributions in personal pages. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Today I am going back to work and I am not sure how I will manage.

I write for #NaNoWriMo with Google’s Drive which gives me the possibility to write with my mobile as well. It also has a word count tool which is quite handy for #NaNo. I wrote in one of my last posts that I can even write offline which helps me at work as there is no good internet connection there.

So I have everything in place to use my breaks at work to get on with #NaNo. Still I feel like I have missed a chance to get on with #NaNoWriMo early meaning I am behind in the word count even though I had planned to be ahead to not have to write so much when I work.

But well I make up problems I suppose. I have realised I can write quite a lot and get on with it if I set my mind to it. My stats tell me that I would finish at the 3. December if I go on in my actual pace which is not too bad I think.

BUT I also realised the closer I come to the end of November the more it counts if I can’t make the word count. So no pressure at all ūüėČ

I got up early so I have some time left to get writing and that I better do now :-)!

Good luck to you all and thanks for your feedback and support so far. May you have a wonderful and successful #NaNoWriMo!

 

 

#amwriting myself into the mood for #NaNoWriMo

Another day is gone and I have not written a word.

I have no idea how much I am behind but I find that it is more demotivating to think about it. Rather just jump into it and write and quite often the words just flow and you can get on with it.

Today was a brilliant November day: Sunny, cold but not in a nasty way and it is our last day of your holiday. The children went back to their mother so we decided to go for a walk at the beach and have another meal at a lovely new restaurant close by. It was such a beautiful day. And I have to admit that this break has motivated me to go on with #NaNoWriMo this afternoon and evening.

That restaurant we have been uses only local produce. It also sells paintings, neclaces and other art of local artists. I just love the atmosphere in it and I thought this afternoon “This would be a great venue for a #NaNoWriMo write-in!”

I wondered if I could organise an un-official one this week but remembered on my days of have to stay in for some parcels we are expecting (yes Christmas is just around the corner just in case you forgot ūüėČ ). But I definitely keep that in mind as the write-ins around here are all in Norwich but not everyone has the time or means to get there. Well, I am not sure if the Art-Cafe is easier to reach but it might be worth a try but not this year anyway. And maybe this is just my Shadow-self trying to keep me from writing. It seems to be very creative that one ;-)!

You learn a lot about yourself doing the #NaNoWriMo. I realised today that I am at a point that I always get when I want to write something more than a poem or a blog~post: That bit when I hate the whole lot and think everything is just a big pile of ….. !

Well, of course that is the difficult second week of #NaNoWriMo but it  also shows where you struggle with writing in general. So challenging yourself to get through to the 50. 000 words might give you the chance to find a way to get through this in your general writing as well. I like that idea….

….. but it seems I start babbeling instead of getting down to writing my first draft of that novel that…….

…. I better get going now :-)!

 

 

My #NaNoWriMo in week two!

It has been and still is a rollercoaster ride.

The first few days I was totally behind due to family festivities. Then I caught up easily. And yesterday I lost it all. The motivation to write that is.  According to veterans of #NaNoWriMo it is due to the second week blues. The lovely Cheryl Fassett keeps me company as my writing buddy and it is good to get some private pep talk now and then. Thanks so much Cheryl :-)!

I like the pep talks the “officials” send us. As they come from different areas of expertise as well as different stages of being published they highlight different problems/solutions of #NaNoWriMo and give a good motivation to go on.

So what are my insights in #NaNoWriMo so far?

I have learned that it is good sometimes to have a bit of a break,  do something else and then catch up. After all in my present pace I would finish at the 5th of December and that is not too bad I suppose :-).

I have also learned that writing 2K per day is not so difficult if you do not have a day job or family to consider. As I have never worked with word counts I had no idea how much I can write in a certain amount of time. But it can be important to know that in the writing community.

And I have learned that I can use my mobile offline to write, so even when I work again next week, I will be able to get on with my story in my breaks. I had trouble before using the clout to save my drafts as the internet connection at work is appalling.

 

So what stops¬†me now from getting on? My shadow self that tells me it’s not worth it, I can not do it and I am writing crap!

“Well Shadow Self I do love you! You do not need to attract attention with keeping me from writing. I have decided to go on any way so just get yourself a cookie and keep quiet!” ūüôā

And I go and make myself a cup of coffee first……. ūüėČ

 

 

I procrastinate ~ therefore I am!

McAfee Knob

McAfee Knob (Photo credit: jculverhouse)

I love writing!

My many blogs proof that I suppose.

It is another question if it is good writing.

But

I do not really care

because

I love it!

 

#NaNoWriMo is so far a good experience. Even though my characters have taken over my story and it rather goes into a who~dunn~it~love~ghost~story direction which probably will disgust any editor and publisher (sorry guys) and I am still about 300 words behind the daily average, it is good to just write and kick out the inner critic. It is really amazing how creative you can get if you just sit down and write.

Well, if that is!

So far I have had a nurses appointment, had breakfast and made and had lunch, helped the hubby to sort out McAfee who was attacked by hackers which gave our antivirus protection some trouble, took several Instagram pictures, cleaned the dishes, wrote a poem, send several tweets, am thinking about getting new boots, trainers and a jumper and am writing this blog entry. SIGH!

Why am I doing that?

So far it feels like someone else is writing my story. I just have to sit down and let my fingers rock and roll the keyboard. It’s not rocket science nor is it especially scary.

My theory?

I love to boycot myself! I love to whine and moan about being behind and not being able to do it. I love to punish myself for whatever I accuse myself of. Anything else? Well…….

But in the end I will feel unsatisfied if I do  not sit down and do it. Sit down and write 1667 words per day. That is what pushes me.

Maybe all those other things are just my “warming up”! Tweets make you write it short and to the point. Quite a good quality for novels. Seeking new boots and jumpers gives me an idea what my characters can wear. Instagram¬†pictures can be used as wall decoration in my little old fashioned cottage. Of course my characters have to eat. Why not my sandwiches? And after all writing this blog entry lets it all out: All my thoughts, fears, ideas that keep me from writing.

Maybe in the end it is only a question of how to interprete what I am doing. If I see myself as procrastinating it just gets me down. If I use my procratinating for my novel it will all be good ~ somehow ;-)!

 

 

Just a short update on my #NaNoWriMo 2012

Snowflake

I can proudly announce that my wordcount has reached a staggering 4358 since yesteday. Am mighty proud even though I am still about 2300 words behind and will finish on Christmas Day with my actual writing speed.

My goodness me I love the NaNoWriMo statistics page even though I still hope it counts in US time and I have a bit more time than Greenwich Meantime allows :-).

But in earnest:

I am quite proud as I have been writing even though we had the children here and there was Minecraft in my back and Battlefield in front of me with occasional outbreaks of youthful frustration. There was also the good old inner critic who told me many a times how bad my writing is. I shut him up with the goal of #NaNoWriMo: Get 50 000 words written no matter what!

Plotting, story structure, characters……. I had it all planned out with good old Randy Ingermanson and his Snowflake Method and then I started writing and it all went into the pants. Literally. I have no idea who is writing my novel but it is nowhere near what I had plotted out. Not that mine was better and this is worse. I am just not sure if I am really ready to write a heartbreaking love story instead of the fight of an independent woman to free herself from her past ;-).

My only writing buddy wrote something about “50 000 words of poo” this morning and made me laugh. It does not matter really what comes out in the end, does it? As long as we write!

And writing I will. ¬†At least for the next few hours……… ūüôā

Oh dear……. #NaNoWriMo

Deutsch: √Ąolsharfenalmanach 1896

Deutsch: √Ąolsharfenalmanach 1896 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

 

 

Day 3 of NaNoWriMo and I have managed to write 811 words!

 

My excuse?

 

Laziness???

 

No. We got married and my step mum who is like my mum had stayed with us for a week. I have not seen her for about two or three years and we had loads to catch up.

 

But being behind already had a discouraging effect: Again I can not really get into it.

 

This morning I woke up early and got up, made myself a cup of tea and caught up on everything writing wise. Besides NaNo I take part in a German project called #frapalymo. In May I introduced it in my poetry blog Phoenix’s poetry & stories¬†and then I translated her prompts into English. As I take part in NaNo I won’t do this in November and I will only write the German versions of the prompt. Just to have a balance to NaNo.

 

So I wrote my first poem just before I started this blog entry.

 

Will I give up on my NaNoWriMo? No of course not. My stats showed me that I have to write 1775 words per day to keep up and I think I can do that.

 

Hope all of your writing efforts go a lot better than mine. Take care and keep writing!